rev•er•ie

Monday, 26 March 2012

  • Exes

    What is the best way to respond to an ex to permanently discourage them from contacting you ever again?

    I'm trying to come up with the most effective way to write it. Ignoring these past few months hasn't worked and something now needs to be said.

    What I don't want is to say something that will appear to the ex as an opportunity to rehash old problems. There is literally nothing to discuss, and the ex needs to know it's time to move on.

    *** EDIT ***

    I wanted to keep gender out of this, but to clarify, the ex is a she!  (No, not my ex...)

    Long story short, she cheated on him (while they lived together), he broke up with her, she then hooked up with the other guy, she and the other guy broke up last year, and since then she's been trying to get him back.  He's ignored her but she hasn't gotten the hint.  I told him he needs to say something but he's not sure how best to effectively get his message across.

    And being the new girlfriend, I am NOT pleased about this...

     

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

  • Love conquers all?

    Someone recently emailed me a list of Warren Buffet's 10 Rules.  A couple stood out to me because they described exactly some of the "rules" that I have kept in mind and take pride in for following…

    7. Be Persistent. This is an advantage that the small entrepreneur has over larger, more established competitors. Persistence and ingenuity can, and often does win against large odds. If you’ve done your research, taken care of the details, watched your expenses and stayed out of debt, your success through persistence may only be a matter of time. 

    8. Know When to Quit. Don’t throw good money after bad. Resist the temptation to salvage a bad deal with a last-minute home run.  

    See, the tricky part is… knowing when to be persistent versus when to stop beating a dead horse.  I think being able to master these two practices is critical to becoming a good decision-maker (along with being calculated, and being able to separate the facts that matter from the facts that don't, for the sake of progression).  I also think that many times, even when our gut can feel what's right, we just don't listen… be it in the name of fear, pride or perhaps fear of losing our dignity… we don't will ourselves to do what's right.

    I won't say that I've mastered both arts but I can say that I have a running start.  I've at least "mastered" these arts in certain contexts, so now it's just a matter of learning to channel it to other areas where I want to succeed.  Like... say, in the love department?

    Now I digress.  The question I'm struggling with is, does love truly conquer all?

    Here's my problem: distance and time away are easy triggers for me to start to feel emotionally detached from someone.  Really easy.  Like, I-won't-even-have-a-fleeting-thought-of-you-after-a-month easy.  In previous relationships, my not giving others enough attention was a reoccurring problem that surfaced every time distance came between us.  And now it seems that the only remedy for this is to change the circumstance, and just not deal with the long distance.

    This bothers me because I can't decide whether this is solely my problem, or the relationship's.  Is my capacity to love just limited?  I can't tell whether it's me and the problem will remain no matter who I'm with, or if the relationship just isn't good enough.  The thing is, I want unconditional love.  I want to believe that it exists for me.  I want love that is timeless… that will remain true no matter where I am physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically…  because shouldn't love conquer all, even distance?

    A part of me thinks that this is solely my problem.  Another part of me thinks it's the relationship, but my doubts are only fleeting.  And I guess another part of me just thinks I'm prematurely over thinking things…

     

     

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

  • big girl talk

    come july, it'll be 1 year since i became a "big girl" working at my first big girl job.  a lot has changed and as much as i wanted to document it all, it just never happened.

    anyway, consider this a start.  i'll start with today.

    first, a disclaimer: i don't like to talk about work because i enjoy it too much.  love, maybe.  i enjoy, maybe love, work.  so i don't like to talk about it because if i start, you might not hear the end of it.  and so it begins...

    (er... more pretext: i think learning about what a person does for a living is a great start to learning more about them.  not necessarily by just their job title, but particularly by how a person regards their work.  i think this can easily give insight into the kind of person they are by way of knowing where they are in their lives--whether they're happy or displeased with themselves, their decisions, and how circumstances have unfolded for them.  and, ultimately, how this can speak to whether it is regret or contentment that most consumes or fulfills them.  that's kind of a big deal, by the way; regrets and accomplishments often set the precedent for the development of a person's disposition, and that impacts everything.)

    so this past year, at a glance, can be summarized as overbearing, challenging, insightful, and rewarding.

    i started as a consultant assigned to my first project for a pharmacy benefit manager (PBM).  at the time i knew little of the corporate world, less of project management, and simply nothing of the PBM industry.  i only knew what i had heard or been exposed to; i had never been in a role with heavy responsibility over something other than my personal sales numbers and commission.

    this first assignment was to fill a role that not only requires the above skills, but also technical, subject matter expertise on a system that i had never used before.  overbearing and challenging, it was; expectations can be challenging when we have limited insight into what it all entails, and not to mention our personal strengths and weaknesses.  it helps to know what we don't quite know yet.  so as time went on, i became more aware of what i actually brought to the table.  bottom line - i took initiative, was solution-focused, assertive, and did what i could to make my boss' job easier (more on this later).  fast forward six months and i was offered a permanent job at the company.  i hesitantly accepted (now happily) and got a 25% salary bump. :)

    anyway, that's my background in a very packed, capsulated nutshell.  i wanted to start with today, but can't bring myself to write without offering some sort of context.  context is good.

     

    er... maybe i'll return to writing about "today" tomorrow...

    stay tuned, i guess!

     

     

Monday, 28 February 2011

  • a man should respect women, respect himself more, but respect his mother most.

    thoughts?

     

    EDIT:

    i don't think it's fair of me to ask others for their thoughts before offering my own like i've been doing.  i guess.  but anyway, i had thought about this while driving home the other day..

    generally speaking, nice guys respect their mothers and womankind, but don't give themselves enough respect.  on the other hand, assholes aren't lending women enough respect, and in the end women who pay them any mind are likely to get gypped.  these men must think they are kings, or something. :P

    both types generally turn me off.  nice guys for not standing up for themselves enough and assholes for their selfishness.

    finally i just want to add that men who meet my "criteria" seem to be the most promising... because having a general respect for women is indicative of good morale; because respecting himself more shows he is not weak, that he is not a pushover, that he'll make a stand when he needs to; and finally, because the respect he lends his mother shows how big his capacity to respect the woman he will come to love.

    see, personally, i think i just want a respectable man.

    that's probably the only notable thing i've learned in the past year of dating... muahaha :P  at least the only thing i can think of right now...

     

     

Thursday, 24 February 2011

  • hello xanga!  a couple things today:

     

    1) i'm still very introspective.  i think all the time.  my mind doesn't rest.

    if you're into personality tests, i found this one to be very insightful...

    http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

    i like that it offers a score for each of the 9 enneagram types.  not to say that that's unusual, because it isn't, but my results showed the highest score was a tie between 2 types, and the second highest was a close tie between 3 types.  this didn't surprise me too much, and i'm not saying this to take anything away from myself, nor from the test, more so just to add that these results supported some of my recent, self-reflective thoughts... that i won't get into now. :)

     

    2) be inspired.  dong chim yourself. ;)


    alright, regarding the overall message he conveys...

    some of you already know this, others of you do not.  i must say though that as "knowing" as many of us are, i think it's important to be able to make the distinction between knowing something consciously, and "knowing" (or, rather, not knowing...) something subconsciously.  recognize when one contradicts the other; wake up!  for example, we all preach about love being unconditional--a mantra often repeated--but how many actually practice this?  many people are still building relationships on a set of conditions, criteria, that must be met without even realizing it.

    anyway, for those that do already know, i hope that you still find this valuable even if only as a reminder.

    btw, the speaker is my sister's friend!  he's great, isn't he...


    from his presentation, what did you take away from it?  what was the most prevailing message to you?

     

     

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Monday, 08 November 2010

  • what have i been up to?

    working my big girl job (i'm still allowed to call it that right? being new to the corporate world and all...), hanging with family, and the occasional weekend excursion...


    seattle




    new shoes! hey... :)







     

    vegas


    music heaven??? i got the hook up!




    love house music! can you feel it?

     

    halloween, etc













     

    anyway... a lot on my mind lately but i've had the worst case of writer's block having not written in so long... 

    how is everyone?

     

     

Monday, 25 October 2010

Saturday, 18 September 2010

  • "the greatest"

    one of my all-time favorite songs... enjoy.


    in other news!

    a few weeks ago, i met with a couple coworkers at a local happy hour for the first time. enter our conversation about relationships. both described theirs as going nowhere but felt too comfortable to leave. i shared bits of my past to relate (who hasn't been there?) then ended with a simple statement: "i don't think people realize how resilient they are; they're just not willing to test themselves."

    this is one of my core beliefs and i'm sure i've already said it here somewhere. i think people should be more willing to test themselves. move, go places, see people, take risks. the whole nine!

    anyway, earlier this week they informed me they're both single now. i congratulated them! hey, i'm no homewrecker... that was never my intent! but it was such a pleasant surprise to have people, whom i've only recently gotten to know, take heed of my advice so quickly.

     

     

Friday, 10 September 2010

  • p.s. i don't think someone's capacity to trust is the sole indicator of their trustworthiness, but it still speaks somewhere, no?

    i'll share my thoughts provided that you share yours first. :)

     

     

nudia

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